I Hate Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Yeah, I said it.

We're solidly into October now, and pink stuff is everywhere.

I realized Breast Cancer Awareness Month was stupid in October 2011. I had gone to Ulta to grab a few things. When I was checking out, the cashier asked me if I’d like to donate a dollar to “breast cancer awareness.” I said “no thank you” and was expecting her to drop it. She gave me a weird look and said “Are you sure? It’s for a good cause! Breast cancer!” 

Oh, trust me. I'm aware. Is anyone not aware? Anyone never heard of breast cancer? Anyone? Bueller? 

Nope. We're all aware. And since breast cancer is something that affects 1 in 8 women, chances are you know someone who's been personally been affected by breast cancer, either because they, or someone they know, have been diagnosed. 

Here are the problems with Breast Cancer Awareness Month:
1) It reduces a really huge problem and a very scary situation into a bunch of pink pens, Facebook games, and catchy slogans. 
I bet you can name at least five companies that are selling pink stuff this month. But can you name five risk factors for breast cancer? If yes, did you learn that from the pink blender you bought at Target yesterday? No, you learned it because you're a smart cookie who does her research. Good for you.

2) Few other diseases get the same recognition. 
Did you know that September was Gynecological Awareness month? Or that October is ALSO Domestic Violence Awareness month? Breast Cancer research IS important, but is it more important than other causes? I don't think so.

3) It leaves men out completely. 
According to the American Cancer Society, about 2500 men will be diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013. Breast Cancer is significantly less prevalent in men, but it's still something that affects them. So where do those men fit in to the whole pink scheme? Do you think they're comforted by all the "Save the Tatas" shirts? I don't. If we're going to spend the whole month talking about Breast Cancer, let's make it as inclusive as possible.

4) "Awareness" by itself does nothing to fix the problem. 
There are some great things that come from this month. I won't deny that. But when you look at most companies who talking about their plans for the month, you see the word "awareness" a lot more than you see the word "research." We're aware of the problem, now it's time to figure out how to treat and prevent it.

5) Saturation isn't always a good thing.
I hesitated about bringing this into the post, because I don't want it to be about me or my family. But when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010 (she's fine now) someone looked her in the eyes and said "well, you'll be fine. There's so much they can do now, it's basically just like getting a cold. Getting cancer now just isn't a big deal anymore. It's not what it used to be." Well, that last part is true. Thanks to some really smart people and some really great organizations, more people are living through a breast cancer diagnosis than ever before. But to think that it isn't a big deal 20-30% of breast cancer survivors will have the disease return and metastasize in the body. 40,000 people still die from it every year. A breast cancer diagnosis changes your entire life for the rest of your life. There's no part of it that isn't a "big deal." Sure, this was an isolated incident and most people understand the seriousness of breast cancer. But I have to wonder where this kind of nonchalance comes from, and part of me wonders if it's because breast cancer stuff is everywhere all the time, and not in a good way.

Here's what we can do instead:
1) Do your research. 
Educate yourself on the things in your life that could potentially cause cancer. Learn the risk factors, and get the lowdown on your family history (if you can). There's no way to guarantee you won't get breast cancer in your lifetime, but making healthy lifestyle choices like exercising, eating right and not smoking all reduce the risk.

2) Please, for the love of all that is good and holy, stop with the stupid Facebook games. 
No one cares what color your bra is, and no one understands why you're putting a heart as your Facebook status. We would never make a game out of remembering 9/11 or Sandy Hook. Why do we try to do it with Breast Cancer? 

3) If you're a woman and you don't do self exams, start doing them now. 
Once a month. Make sure your friends do them too. Breast cancer doesn't reveal itself first in a lump every time, but early detection is crucial, and self exams are a huge part of that. The same goes for going to the doctor every year. I know it sucks, but you gotta do it. "But Alyssa, I'm fine." I know you are. Everyone that was diagnosed with breast cancer was fine at one point, too. And then, they weren't anymore. So please go.

4) Don't buy pink stuff just for the sake of buying something pink. If you want your money to go to a breast cancer organization, donate money directly to them.
If you only get one thing from this post, I hope this is it. Companies and organizations who REALLY care about preventing and curing breast cancer will tell you. The best charities will focus on research and prevention, not awareness - if you see a company that only talks about awareness, it's probably not a good one. All nonprofits are required to disclose where every dollar goes, and you can see the breakdown for each organization on CharityNavigator.org. Donating to a charity is something that should be deeply personal, so choose an organization that means something to you. Here is a list of organizations ranked highly by Charity Navigator. (A few notes: Susan G Komen is on that list, and I'm not a huge fan of them. My favorite is the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.)

I don't actually think Breast Cancer Awareness Month in itself is a bad thing. I think it started out with good intentions. There are meaningful programs and good people who DO work incredibly hard (all throughout the year, not just in October) to make a difference, and I would never, ever want to diminish the work of those people. And if you DO decide to start doing self exams after you buy a pink bra, or you're comforted by a pink thing you bought, good for you. I think that's money well spent. 

I just hope that after reading this, you'll approach this month a bit more critically. Prevention is key. Research is the only way we're going put an end to this. Facebook games, pink highlighters and girly football jerseys are not awareness. The pink ribbon movement was started by a phenomenal woman who didn't want to market her idea en masse because she didn't want to water down the message. Now they're everywhere, under the guise of awareness. 

We're all aware. Now what will we do to fix it?

My 21st birthday was a bust.

Linking up with all these cute ladies today because you KNOW I can't resist a good one-time link-up.

I guess the title is misleading because my 21st birthday wasn't really THAT bad. But here's the true story (and the part of this post I'll delete soon): most my friends were older than me, so I had been drinking underage at bars for almost two years before I turned 21. In my eyes, the best part about turning 21 was that I could do it legally now. Nothing about my weekends was going to change. You feel me?

Anyway. My 21st birthday was on a Thursday, which was awesome because I (and all my school of education friends) didn't have class on Friday. What could go wrong, right?

I woke up on Thursday morning, and my roommate Jenna had decorated the apartment. (I thought I had a picture of it, but I couldn't find it. Boooooooooo.) Adorable. Amazing. The day was off to a good start.

I went to class like normal on Thursday. We got out of class around 5, and my parents took me, Jenna, and two other friends to PF Changs for dinner because I really wanted a PFX for my birthday. (Have you ever had one? THEY ARE THE BEST.) When I ordered my drink, our waiter didn't even card me, and I was so mad. LOOK AT MY ID, FOOL. I AM LEGIT.

(Contrary to my face in this picture, this was only my first drink of the day.)

When we got home, several of my friends were waiting on me so we could go to a few bars. As soon as I walked in the door, shots happened, and then somehow I got wrapped in toilet paper:

I don't even know.

Then, it was time to go out! One of my friends was still under 21, so we had to plan around that a bit, which was fine, because as we know, I was a pro. I was feeling pretty great thanks to those shots and I hate making plans for groups of people, so I was letting other people make the decisions on where we would go. We ended up at this bar in Greensboro called Coopers, which, looking back, was a pretty interesting choice. We walked in, I triumphantly handed the girl at the door my ID, took it back, and started to walk into the bar.

But as I'm walking away, I hear "wait, can I see your ID again?" That's never good, so I said "no." (Real smooth, Alyssa.) One of the other bouncers walked up all intimidating-like and said "show her your ID again, or you have to leave."

Really? You're going to yell at me, this tiny little person on my 21st birthday? You are rude.

I hand her my ID again, and she looks at it and then looks back up at me and says "You know your license is expired, right?"

Um, no. No I didn't. "It expired today because of my birthday, I guess? You can still let me in though... my birthdate is still valid."

Nope. It had expired on my 20th birthday. A year before. For real.

Awesome.

So we left, and drove another 15 minutes downtown so we could go to the bars downtown. Buuuut guess what? The same song and dance happened there. Since when do they care THAT much about your license being valid? I mean really. (I know they care a lot. BUT IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY.)

At this point, I was tired, upset, and I had lost whatever buzz I had when we started. I wanted to go home, but my friends (who were awesome) insisted that we go somewhere... anywhere. So we ended up at this DIVE bar close to campus. You know the place... where no one has showered and the bartenders serve to seventeen year olds. But I didn't care. My friends told the bartender that it was my birthday, and he took really good care of us. The night was salvaged, but man, it was a struggle. Karma is a real thing, people. Do not drink underage!

The next day, one of my friends drove me to the DMV, I got a new license (that doesn't expire until I'm 28) and that night, we had a do-over. It was a lot better.

I mean, when all else fails, just take some margaritas straight to the face, right? Right.

engagement-aversary

One year ago today, the tall guy asked me to marry him.

We were at the beach, and I TOTALLY knew something was up. He was hiding his text messages, he had bought our favorite wine, and he was being really particular about the plans that I was making through the weekend. He had also had lunch with my dad the week before... that was obviously the biggest clue.

Buuuuuut I wasn't sure, because we hadn't planned on getting engaged until November/December/January, and we were there from Friday-Tuesday, and we got all the way to Monday and he still hadn't asked.

But on Monday, we went to Broadway at the Beach to hang out and play Putt-Putt. So if he was going to ask, surely he'd ask then, right? Nope.

And then we went to one of my favorite beach places for dinner, so he was DEFINITELY going to ask then, right? Nope.

And THEN we went to Starbucks, so maybe he was going to ask then??? Nope.

We got back to the condo, and I was a little disappointed. And surprised, because there were just too many signs and I know this man and I KNEW he was up to something. I set our drinks (PSLs, duh) on the counter in the kitchen, and went to pee. When I came back, I said "I should probably taste yours too to make sure it's not poisoned." When I picked it up, an engagement ring was sitting underneath it.

I looked at it, and then back at him, and then back it it, and then back at him, and then said what any normal woman would say: "What the hell is that?"

And then he got down on one knee and said a lot of wonderful things and boom! we're engaged.

We called my parents, and this was my mom's reaction:

Even a year later, I still think it's CRAZY that I'm grown up enough to have my OWN diamond ring. I still catch myself looking at it sometimes, not believing that it's really mine.

We've dealt with a lot in the last year... job searching and moving and sick parents and death and a LOT of four hour drives. But we've made it. And I can't wait to spend my life with this man.

Mostly because most of our nights look something like this:

Hangovers and Teenagers and Shopping, Oh my!

As I mentioned yesterday, we actually had a pretty busy weekend. It's a blessing and a curse because obviously, we're fun people who like to have fun, but when your weekends are so busy, they FLY by. And that sucks.

Friday, we headed over to Garrett's cousin's house for a cookout + game night. We had a lot of fun, which means that clearly I didn't take any pictures (#bloggerproblems). Having no pictures is probably which is probably for the best because there was a lot of wine. and a lot of gin. and also a few white russians. sooooo. you know. Garrett and I didn't get to bed until 3:30 on Saturday morning. For two people who are usually in bed by 10:30, it was rough.

Saturday, we slept until almost 2pm. Well.... I woke up around 10, stumbled out to the couch, and then promptly fell back asleep. Garrett's morning looked about the same... we were COMPLETELY useless. Finally, around 4pm, we did something I'm not proud of. I can't believe I'm about to talk about it on the internet.

We went to McDonalds.

WHAT. Don't judge me. There is nothing better for hangovers. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

And then in an act of complete opposite-ness, on Saturday night, we went to my cousin's 13th birthday party. I know, it was quite a transition.

I hadn't seen the girls since the funeral, so it was good to see them. And it was SUPER good to see them having fun and laughing and being teenagers.

They are so grown now and it is SO FREAKIN' CRAZY. Kathryn spent most of her time with her friends, so Garrett and I spent most of the night hanging out with Hope and her boyfriend. The fact that my oldest cousin is 15 now and has a boyfriend and is cool and we hang out together is just too weird for words. But we had a really great time. I spend so much time talking about how I'd like to move away eventually, but nights like that make me really glad that I have family that lives close by.

And because this post is just full of embarrassing stuff, here's a blurry picture me doing the Wobble with three teenagers. Thanks a heap, Garrett.

I cannot even.

Sunday was pretty lazy, although we did do a little bit of shopping, and Garrett bought me this PHENOMENAL Joseph Joseph cutting board. If you know me at all, you know that I fell in love with the stripes + bright colors almost immediately.

Alyssa and the Technicolor Dream Apartment is going to be a real thing, I'm telling you.  

It was a great weekend, I gotta say. I hope yours was too!