Um, can you not?

Man, there have been some real dumb-dumbs in the news lately, right? I feel like all I've done lately is roll my eyes at all the dumb stuff people have been doing

Dear Justin Bieber: Um, can you not?
It's not a secret that I'm not your biggest fan. I don't think you're talented, and I think you've needed to take a big step backwards for a long time.
But this is beyond unacceptable. If you want to be an idiot with your friends, fine. But you made the conscious choice to get behind the wheel of a car (that you didn't own), while you were drunk (and underage) and drive. I don't care what kind of stuff you have going on, that is unacceptable.
Also, your fans are dumb. Tell them to stop.
Also, I'm not outright saying that you and Miley Cyrus are the same person, I'm just saying we've never seen you both in the same place at the same time.

I'M JUST SAYING, YOU GUYS. THINK ABOUT IT.

Dear Tom Brady: Um, can you really not?
I know no one is suprised that you're being a total baby about not going to the Superbowl. I know you think you're so cool and so edgy for saying you're not going to watch.
Listen, Tommy. If you were such a rockstar, you and your team would be going to the Superbowl. But you're not, because even though you're a good quarterback, you're not the BEST quarterback. Also, maybe this is karma for you whining all season long. Didja think about that? Quit your complaining.
Also, when you say you "could care less" it means you DO care. You were looking for the phrase "couldn't care less." If this is confusing you, please see this helpful post. Talking is hard, I know.

Dear kids who are apparently snorting Smarties? FOR REAL? CAN YOU NOT?
Um, ew. What are you doing? No really, what are you doing? What do you get from this? Could you explain it to me? Why are you selling Smarties in baggies like they're elicit drugs and not something you can buy 1000 for a dollar at Target?

Dear Mike Huckabee: Um, can you not?
What even are you talking about? When will the republican party just shut up about birth control? It literally never works in your favor.
Mike, (I can call you Mike, right?) I don't take birth control because I'm helpless, I take it because I'm responsible enough to know I'm not financially stable enough for a child right now. I'm the worst, I know. The AUDACITY I must have.

Who's on your list this week that you think should just shut up already? Tell me all about them! Let's rejoice in their stupidity together!

Don't Call Me Beyoncé

Well actually, you could call me Beyoncé. I'd be okay with that. But that's not the point here.

I was bopping around the internet the other day, as I often do, when I saw this picture:

Normally, I'm not one to criticize where people get their motivation from, but this just made me mad.

Sure, everyone has the same 24 hours in a day. And Beyoncé IS a good role model. She's smart, she's talented, she has a great husband and a beautiful daughter, she hangs out with the President. Really, she's got it all. I'm a fan, you're a fan, everyone's a fan.

But I just can't get down with this kind of motivation. First of all, because I don't think semi-shaming people into doing more is the right path to take. Yeah, we all have the same hours, but you don't know what's going on in my life. Sorry I didn't have time to record an album + seventeen videos this week? My bad.

This picture leaves out all the resources she has that you and I could never dream of having. First and foremost, she has essentially unlimited funding. If she wants to pursue a new venture or interest she can, without worry. If her album doesn't do well (LOLZ not likely), she'll be fine. She'll be bummed, but ultimately, it wouldn't change her day-to-day. If you spent a year working on a huge project at work only to have it flop, you'd be incredibly disappointed, and you'd probably get in trouble with your boss. You might even get fired. She has room to experiment with things she's unsure about because she knows she has a soft place to land if those things aren't successful. You and I don't have that luxury.

After Blue Ivy was born, she took a year-ish off to spend time with her. With the maternity leave laws (or lack thereof) that we have here, a woman is lucky to get six weeks off. Our girl Bey can take as long as she wants. And while she's traveling all over the world this year for her Mrs Carter World Tour? You know Blue is going to be right there with her. She doesn't have to leave her at home when she travels for her job. Blue Ivy is going to have more stamps on her passport by her 10th birthday than most people get their entire lives. (That's mostly irrelevant, but man, it's cool.)

She also has a team of approx. 903809128 around her at any given time.

She doesn't have to waste time doing housework. You can say that you bet she's so real and does her own laundry, but you are kidding yourself and we both know it. No disrespect here, because if my net worth was 30 million bucks, I would have someone on staff whose only job was to iron my underoos, sort them by color, and hang them up in my underwear closet. (Yeah, I have an underwear closet in my mega-rich fantasy.) And if you think her hands have touched a Lysol-soaked sponge anytime in the last five years, you are wrong. My life would be a lot more interesting too if I didn't have to spend a quarter of it vacuuming and washing and sanitizing various things in my home.

Of course, I don't say any of this because I dislike Beyoncé. I really do like her. But I wonder if this kind of motivation is more harmful than helpful. You can channel Beyoncé all you want. But don't compare your life to someone's that you only know through Instagram, whose net worth is in the millions, who has the time and the resources to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants.

This continued conversation of "am I doing enough?" is stupid and unfair and not real. Enough according to who? You and Beyonce don't have the same life. You and I don't even have the same life. Comparing yourself to anyone else, whether it's your favorite singer or your favorite coworker, isn't going to accomplish anything.

So don't channel your best Beyoncé.  Channel your best you.

High Five for Friday!

I'm still not sure how I want to do Friday posts going forward, so today I decided to link up with Lauren for High Five for Friday. A lot of people participate in this one, and I wanted to get in on the fun!

1 // Garrett got his Starbucks Gold Card this week, so now we both have one! I think you've all heard the rule that the best couples both have gold cards, right? And speaking of Starbucks, I get to hang out with Jenna on Sunday! At Starbucks, of course.

2 // My sister-in-law Nikki works at Colonial Williamsburg, and she got us this coffee for Christmas. I just opened it this morning, and it is amaaaaaazing.

3 // The weather is supposed to be nice-ish this weekend, so that means field jackets and cute shirts instead of puffy coats and bulky sweaters, and I am STOKED.

4 // Garrett ordered some GIRL SCOUT COOKIES for us today! Talk about being stoked, right? I love supporting the Girl Scouts. Also, cookies. COOKIIIEEEESSSSS.

5 // We got brunch with my parents and my brother and his girlfriend on Sunday, and we got our server to snap this picture. I think I've looked at it every day this week. I just love it.

Happy Friday, you guys!!!

Golden Globes Recap

So, the Golden Globes were last night. You guys know how much I love awards season, right?

So let's get right into it.

Five Favorite Dresses

Sofia Vergara in Zac Posen (that necklace!) 
Lupita Nyong'o Ralph Lauren (that cape!) 
Oliva Wilde in Gucci (that sparkly baby bump!)
Amy Poehler in Stella McCartney (that... everything! God, I love her.)
Kate Beckinsale in Zuhair Murad (that waist! this dress is flawless.)

Five Favorite WTF Moments

Jaquelline Bissett's Awkward Acceptance Speech. Hands down, one of the weirdest speeches I've ever seen. 
Everyone's five mile walk to the stage. They were really crammed in there last night, and it looked like everyone was having trouble getting to the stage. Plan better next year, HFP. 
"Fun" Facts. This actually happened before the show, on the red carpet. E! was including fun facts about the stars all night, and one of the fun facts they decided to show was this: 

Ummmmmm, I think you need a refresher on what the word "fun" means. (They apologized.)
Woody Allen winning an award that... he didn't want. The HFP chose to award the Cecil to Woody Allen. Except Woody Allen wasn't there. In fact, he didn't even want the award. I've never been a huge fan of his, but aside from that, there are plenty of people who would have been willing recipients. The whole thing was just weird. (Bonus: Ronan Farrow had a funny zinger on Twitter.) 
Diane Keaton singing. Or basically everything Diane Keaton. Sorry, I kinda hate her. I've always found her just completely irritating. Accepting an award for someone and singing the girl scout song was just weird. 

Five Favorite Gifs

I think we can all agree we want to be Emma Thompson when we grow up.

Swoooooooooooooooooooon.

#bffhighfive

Well, you handled that well. Kind of.

What every non-blogger looks like when their blogger friends want to take selfies.

Five Favorite Winners

AMY FREAKIN' POEHLER. It is about time. Normally, I don't like winners who get onstage and gush about how "shocked" they are. There is literally a one in five chance you're going to win, you don't get to be THAT surprised. But she deserved her surprise. Parks and Rec has long been an under appreciated show, and I'm so glad she's finally getting recognized for it.
Matthew McConaughey. I haven't seen Dallas Buyer's Club yet, but I just love him, so I'm so glad he won. I love that he's growing into a serious actor (whatever that means).
Andy Samberg. Such a nerd. So adorable. I love him.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine. A win for a show like this one is a win for all the quirky shows that are on TV right now. All of the shows like New Girl, Mindy Project, even Happy Endings all have large, loyal fan bases, but have never gotten the critical reception as well. The fact that Brooklyn Nine-Nine won 
Leonardo DiCaprio. I die a little inside every time I remember that my man Leo doesn't have an Oscar. Is winning a GG a hint that he could possibly win one this year?! Keep your fingers crossed!

What was your favorite moment last night?