Why I'll never apologize for taking too many selfies

Well, first things first: I kinda hate the word 'selfie.' I do not use it. Even after it was officially added to the Oxford dictionary in August. I think it sounds ridiculous.

But! that's not what's important here.

If you follow me on Instagram, you know I love a good selfie, especially if I'm having a good hair day or my outfit looks great. I enjoy compliments just like anyone else (show me someone who says they don't enjoy compliments and I will show you a lying liar who lies), but I document these days for myself just as much as I do others. Sure, I have a decent social media following, but none of that is going to matter in ten years, or five, or maybe even one. What will matter is all the pictures (of myself and of others) I'll have to look back on. That's pretty cool. (We'll leave the conversation about how you can't do ANYTHING without it being documented for another day.)

Everyone loves to rip on girls who take selfies. They LOVE it. And since selfies really became A Thing this year (the selfie hashtag has grown over 200% since January of this year), there's a whole lot of ripping going on. People love to use selfies as evidence that millennials are selfish and narcissistic.

Sure, there are plenty of people who post pictures of themselves for the headpats and the obsessive compliments. But selfies are hardly new: kings, queens, and other obnoxiously rich people have been posing for self portraits for centuries (and those take HOURS to complete). And don't forget the original: Narcissus died looking at his own reflection. Compared to those examples, a few teenage girls with an Instagram account hardly seem like a big deal.

Along with criticizing millennials for being too self-absorbed, it's understood that millennials are good at multitasking. They're good at balancing a lot of things at the same time. So wouldn't it make sense that millennials are capable of caring about themselves and other people?

I know. It's a real leap.

The Millennial Impact Report for 2012 stated that 75% of millennials donated money to a cause they were passionate about, while 63% spent some time volunteering. That's a pretty huge number, right? Surely millennials aren't THAT narcissistic if they spend that much time doing things for other people.

And also: why do people enjoy knocking other people down who have the self confidence to post a picture of themselves? I'm going to say it: I think people hate selfies because they'd rather insult a woman than accept the fact that her confidence has nothing to do with the men around her.

Selfies are reflective. They're a chance to look at yourself the way other people see you. Each one is kind of like a mini-autobiography, giving people a glimpse into your life and what you're doing right then. That's pretty freakin' cool, and it's something to be celebrated, not trashed.

These are my confessions...

We've been internet-less the last week, so that's why I haven't been posting lately. Hopefully we'll be back to regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.

True confession Tuesday used to be a thing over on Tumblr... is it a thing here? Can we make it a thing here? Even though they're not dirty secrets, they're mostly just some mind-dumpy, kinda boring secrets.

- It sucks not having internet, but I'll be honest, I haven't missed blogging that much until today. The pressure! It's too much! But I'm glad to be back now.

- Urban Decay announced the Naked3 palette today and I am DYING over it. I spent a good 20 minutes analyzing all the colors and a few minutes after that arranging to be at Sephora the day it launches so I can see it in person.

- I've been in a cranky mood most of the day because it's FREEZING outside and rainy and apparently it's supposed to snow later in the week and I think that is the worst. I am 100% a snow scrooge. Not sorry about it.

- I've been thinking a lot about changing my blog name again. I thought about it a few months ago, but I never pulled the trigger because I was never fully committed to any names that I thought up, but I think I might have one that I really love. Maybe a new name for the new year?

- There are a lot of times where I don't feel old enough or mature enough to be someone's daughter-in-law. Not because of anything specific that's happened (we spent this weekend with Garrett's parents and it was great), it's just... because, I guess.

- After I typed the title of this post, I started listening to Usher circa 2004, and I am loving it.

- I am stupid excited to start decorating for Christmas. Even though I don't decorate until Thanksgiving, I've been itching to start putting stuff out now. Too soon? Hmmmmm.

- I judge anyone who says they don't like Christmas. #sorrynotsorry

- I've decided I'm going to stop saying "I respect your opinion" when someone says something I don't agree with. Because usually, I DON'T respect whatever dumb statement came out of your mouth. I respect your right to have that opinion, but I think saying "I respect your opinion" is kinda dumb. So that's my ridiculous declaration for today.

- One of my friends lives in LA and posted today that she was trying to decide between spending $200 on a new iPhone and spending $200 on a 200 slice pizza. I laughed when I read it, but then I realized that I don't know how I would decide either.

- It's been one calendar year since I've had a haircut. Is that bad? I mean, I know it's bad, but it's it THAT bad?

- I didn't take a SINGLE picture all weekend. Garrett and I took a road trip selfie before we left (duh) and I didn't take another one until.... today, I think. That's sooo not like me and it's really freaking me out.

- This post is going up really late in the day and I'm kind of embarrassed by it.

Okayyyyy I think that's all for today. Meet you back here tomorrow for a real, actual blog post. How novel, right?!

What I've Learned In My Six(ish) Months Of Blogging

I started this blog about six months ago. Okay, like eight months ago. I created this blog in March of this year, but didn't start really posting until April. Anyway, I'm not an expert blogger by any means (lolz) but I have learned some things along the way, and I figured I'd throw them into a post in case they help someone else who's just establishing their blog.

You don't really need Passionfruit (or any other ad network) if all you're doing is swapping buttons. Don't get me wrong, I l-o-v-e love Passionfruit. When you're ready to actually sell ads, it's totally worth it. But if you're only going to swap ads with people, just add those boxes yourself. It's easy!! (If you need help with this, let me know, k?)

Give your blog some time to evolve organically, and give yourself time to find your writing voice. When I started this blog, I knew I didn't want to curse, and I wanted to keep it a totally positive space. I've stuck with the no cursing thing (for the most part. occasionally, a curse word adds the exact amount of emphasis I'm going for), and I keep it mostly positive around here. I posted in the beginning about how I didn't think that you NEED to post negative things to make yourself relatable, and I stand by that, but life isn't always happy and wonderful, and it's okay when your blog reflects that.

It's okay if your blog doesn't fit in a niche. I used to put a lot of pressure on myself to find a place where I fit in. Then I realized that I've never worried about putting myself into one box, because there are so many sides to my personality. So why would I put that kind of pressure on my blog? You'll find people that love you and your blog no matter what your niche is. There are plenty of every type of blogger - you'll find your people soon enough. I promise.

Wait a few months before you purchase a blog layout (or be prepared to pay for revisions later.) You'll find that the things that you want at the top of your blog will change as your blog changes shape. Give yourself time to figure out what you really want up there before you spend $50-$100 letting someone design something awesome for you. It also takes a while to figure out what you like and don't like in a blog design. If you decide you DO want a fancy blog design immediately (I don't blame you), be prepared to pay a small fee for file storage and another one for revisions so you can change things as you need to.

Set goals, and then change them. My plan was always to center my blog around the set of goals that I set for myself. While I still DO try to stick to those goals, after I let my blog evolve on its own (ahem), I figured out that that I didn't want to limit the content on my blog to ONLY those things - I love having a place to talk about what's going on in my own life (duh) and a sounding board when I want to talk about politics/The Issues.

Blogging veterans might read this and think "well duh, Alyssa. How could you not know that stuff?" but for me, they're things I definitely have had to learn. In fact, I think I learn something new about blogging every single day.

Say What Now?

 

 

Have you ever written a review on Yelp? Because if so, they might owe you some dolla bills.

APPARENTLY there are some people in California who think that their fervent writing of Yelp reviews means that they're Yelp employees, not contributors. They claim that the website is so successful because of their reviews, which is somewhat true. Apparently, there's a whole Yelp hierarchy where you earn points and status with every review that you leave, and there's a subgroup of "Yelp Elite" member. Yelp provides perks in lieu of monetary compensation to these people, and apparently that's what they're so angry about. Perks may include badges, social media promotion, free food and free liquor. Wait.... this is a problem? You're pissed about free booze?

Here's what: is there something in the water lately? What is with all the "BUT I AM AN EXPERT! I AM A WRITER!" special snowflake garbage? Whether or not Yelp contributors should be considered employees (they shouldn't), the entitlement here is astounding. No one forced you to write Yelp reviews until your fingers fell off, and no one pressured you to write a misleading review except for yourself. If you don't like the way Yelp handles their reviews, stop leaving reviews there. And DEFINITELY stop calling Yelp a "slave ship." Are you FOR REAL? You remember ACTUAL slavery, right?

TechDirt, Image

 

Rejection. We've all felt it.

One of my favorite bloggers, Rachel, wrote the best article on rejection and what she's learned from it. She discusses the feelings we've all felt at some point in our lives, whether it was professional, personal, or somewhere in between. Rejection is hard, and sometimes, learning something from it is even harder.

Here's what: It seems like every article written by a millennial lately has been some defense of "this is why we are the way that we are." While that's all well and good, at some point you have to stop talking about it, and start being about it, and that's exactly what Rachel does. Accept the facts as they've been given to you, figure out how you can use them to better yourself, and move on.

Levo, Image

 

Do you call yourself a feminist?

Recently, Kelly Clarkson stated that she didn't identify as a feminist because she thought the word elicited negative feelings in people, and quite frankly, it's something I felt like I could relate to.

It's hard to identify as a feminist when there are radical organizations like Femen who don't represent REAL feminism at all. But that's the dichotomy that most people get stuck in pretty often, right? Identify as something, get associated with the absolute worst parts of that thing, and then.... what do you do at that point?

Here's what: if the singer behind a song called "Miss Independent" doesn't feel comfortable identifying as a feminist, there's a problem, right? Feminism is incredibly misunderstood and often used as an insult. (Do NOT get me started on Rush Limbaugh and the term "feminazi.") But what do we do about that? How can we teach people that being a feminist is a GOOD thing? That we're not all man hating, bra burning, 'I don't need no man' crazypeople? I value my independence a great deal, but that doesn't mean I don't love coming home to a man I'm very deeply in love with. And why shouldn't I love that? There's no reason it has to be one or the other.

Time Magazine, Huffington Post