Dear Justin Bieber: Um, can you not?
It's not a secret that I'm not your biggest fan. I don't think you're talented, and I think you've needed to take a big step backwards for a long time.
But this is beyond unacceptable. If you want to be an idiot with your friends, fine. But you made the conscious choice to get behind the wheel of a car (that you didn't own), while you were drunk (and underage) and drive. I don't care what kind of stuff you have going on, that is unacceptable.
Also, your fans are dumb. Tell them to stop.
Also, I'm not outright saying that you and Miley Cyrus are the same person, I'm just saying we've never seen you both in the same place at the same time.
I'M JUST SAYING, YOU GUYS. THINK ABOUT IT.
Dear Tom Brady: Um, can you really not?
I know no one is suprised that you're being a total baby about not going to the Superbowl. I know you think you're so cool and so edgy for saying you're not going to watch.
Listen, Tommy. If you were such a rockstar, you and your team would be going to the Superbowl. But you're not, because even though you're a good quarterback, you're not the BEST quarterback. Also, maybe this is karma for you whining all season long. Didja think about that? Quit your complaining.
Also, when you say you "could care less" it means you DO care. You were looking for the phrase "couldn't care less." If this is confusing you, please see this helpful post. Talking is hard, I know.
Dear kids who are apparently snorting Smarties? FOR REAL? CAN YOU NOT?
Um, ew. What are you doing? No really, what are you doing? What do you get from this? Could you explain it to me? Why are you selling Smarties in baggies like they're elicit drugs and not something you can buy 1000 for a dollar at Target?
Dear Mike Huckabee: Um, can you not?
What even are you talking about? When will the republican party just shut up about birth control? It literally never works in your favor.
Mike, (I can call you Mike, right?) I don't take birth control because I'm helpless, I take it because I'm responsible enough to know I'm not financially stable enough for a child right now. I'm the worst, I know. The AUDACITY I must have.
Who's on your list this week that you think should just shut up already? Tell me all about them! Let's rejoice in their stupidity together!