Sunday, April 7, 2013

Sunday Musings: On being an independent woman... who really loves being in a relationship.

It's gorgeous outside today. (Don't worry, the patio filled up right after I took this picture!) Garrett has to work, so I decided to get out of the apartment and head down to Starbies. They have a ton of outside seating, and who doesn't love being able to sit outside and blog? 

I've always considered myself to be incredibly independent. I think it's one of my best qualities. I've never been one of those girls that needed someone to come over to set up her DVD player or kill a spider. I much prefer shopping alone. I'm a pro at cooking for one. I value my alone time a lot.

But it's weird how all that independence goes out the window when you meet the person you want to share your life with. 

Let me explain - I'm still just as independent as I was before Garrett and I started dating. I still very much enjoy my alone time. There are nights where I just want to do my own thing, whether that's going to get something to eat and shopping, or laying around my house watching the Real Housewives ruin their respective cities while I eat Kraft macaroni and cheese. (I'm made of pure class, I tell ya.)

But those nights never last that long. Because as much as I enjoy the quiet (or not so quiet when my TV is on Bravo), I enjoy the loudness that Garrett usually brings way, way more. It usually doesn't take long before I'm looking for my phone to text him about this thing that I read or saw or laughed at. 

Take right now, for example. Garrett referees soccer most weekends, so that's where he is now. I've been looking forward to this time to lay around, drink some coffee, catch up on my reader, and just bum around a little bit. But as much as I love my coffee shop time (and everyone needs a break from their partner at some point), my mind keeps wondering to him, and how it would be nice if we were sitting here enjoying this weather together. We probably wouldn't even be talking that much. I'd still be sitting here blogging, and he'd be reading or working on something, occasionally breaking our casual silence to point out a cute dog that's walking by or to update me on the soccer scores. 

I never, ever thought I would say this, but I might even be more independent now. Being in a relationship can be very empowering. I know I have unconditional love and support no matter what, and that's a great feeling. One of the main reasons that our relationship works is because we both have things we enjoy doing separately, as well as things we enjoy doing together. 

I always make the analogy that your life is like a cake, and a relationship is like the icing on that cake. You spend your life building your cake. You put in all your favorite ingredients - chocolate chips, extra butter, all the stuff that makes it huge and fluffy and awesome. Then when you're done creating, you put icing on. Your cake is great already, but then you find the perfect icing that sends your already-awesome cake right over the top. 

I'm glad to have found my icing, even if I have to drive 4.5 hours to find it.

How do you maintain a sense of independence in your relationships? I'd love to hear your thoughts!


Anonymous said...

Love that analogy! Very jealous you are able to sit outside already. It is still pretty cold here in Boston!

Adriana said...

Haha ok love that your cake has extra butter. But for real, I'm with you. A lot of times I need a break from my guy (we live together) but I never want him really gone. I want him in the other room. Or if I need my alone time I go out (like you, I can only get real shopping done alone) it's so ture that it's important not to NEED someone, but want them so much that it turns to need you know? The fact that I know Tom won't judge me and I don't have to impress anyone is awesomeeee! Sounds like you have that too!

Also- super jeal about the weather you guys must be having

allison said...

I don't know what I would do if Matt didn't do things like play golf, or hangout with his guy friends alone. I love him, but we need time apart! We work in the same building and of course live together.. so time apart is necessary. Even though I miss him after a few hours..

Alyssa said...

Definitely... time apart is ESSENTIAL. I know things will change once he moves here, but since most of our time right now is apart (since we're 4.5 hours away from each other) I want every second I can get!

Alyssa said...

We sound so similar! I'll have to keep you posted once he moves here. You can give me cohabitation advice! I'm sure I'll need it!

Alyssa said...

Yeesh! I hope things warm up for you soon! Sending as many warm thoughts as I can!


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