Thursday, September 12, 2013

She's not jealous, she really just doesn't like you.

Sooooo. I have a rant, of sorts.

As bloggers, we open ourselves up to criticism. I think most of us will agree that it's one of the scariest parts about being a blogger. I still haven't liked my blog page on my personal Facebook page because I don't want anyone I know in real life to see it. A little ridiculous? Maybe. But the criticism can be scurrrrrry.

And the GOOD thing about being a blogger is the majority of the time, people are so sweet and uplifting and wonderful. I've met some of the kindest, encouraging women since I started blogging.

But what happens when someone DOESN'T like you?

I've had a blog for four years now, so I've dealt with my share of criticism. I've been told I'm ugly, too opinionated, and that I post too much. I've been told that I'm just a rich bitch (lol.) and that I'm so optimistic because "my life is easy and I don't have any problems." (DOUBLE LOL.) And my favorite anonymous message ever was when someone told me that "my fiancé was probably glad he lived four hours away from me so he didn't have to deal with me every day because I am the worst." Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.

And I'm sure you've dealt with the same things, especially once your blog reaches a certain size. And it's hard to know what to do when someone criticizes you. Do you explain yourself further? Ignore it? Send a sarcastic comment back? There are times where each of those responses could be appropriate.

But let me tell you what you SHOULDN'T do:

Please, please please, for the love of all things holy, stop using this "you're just jealous!" thing.

Because let me tell you something you might not want to hear: some people aren't jealous of you, they really just don't like you.

I know, I know. I was as surprised as you are to learn this news.

It seems like every time someone reads a negative comment about themselves, their first reaction is to say something along the lines of "you're just jealous!" or "you're just a hater!"

Yep, you know me. Always sippin' the Haterade.

Like I've said before: there are 2.5 BILLION people that use the internet. Statistically speaking, there are DEFINITELY going to be people that don't like you. And that's okay! Really, it is. Because are you friends with every single person you've ever met? Of course not. Because there are always going to be people you don't "click" with. Get over it. Sometimes people don't like you, or they don't like what you write. And I know no one ever wants to think about this, but sometimes you might write something that really IS offensive. At that point, it's DEFINITELY safe to assume that it's not everyone else. It's you.

And REALLY, not to get into a feminist rant here, but when you say that another woman is just jealous of you, you're reducing ALL of us to dummies who can't think past some surface level bullshit. And I mean, come on. We're ALL better (and smarter) than that. So do all your girlfriends a favor and remove it from your vocabulary.

(I'm not even going to get into the people who respond to criticism with "you're probably just a fat loser with no friends who sits on her computer all day!" because shaming someone for their looks is WAY more mature and WAY better than whatever they said to you first. Except not at all.)

So to recap: everyone is NOT jealous. People don't like you sometimes. Get over it. Got it? Good.

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Stephanie said...

Thank the lord someone wrote this!! I cannot stand the phrase 'haters gon hate' Shut up. I don't hate you, I'm not jealous of you. Sometimes you write crap, sometimes you're just annoying, sometimes I just don't like you for reasons I don't even know myself. Get over it! Not everyone has to like everyone else. The world goes on.

Blake - One Eighty Blog said...

I haven't received any negative comments on my blog YET, and I'm not looking forward to receiving them. I hate when people send hurtful messages like the ones you received (especially the one about your fiance). It's so disrespectful and rude, and I cannot fathom how someone can be so hurtful to another person, especially one they probably don't know in real life.

It is true that some people just don't like you! I have to keep telling myself now that I'm single and dating and those dates fail.. sometimes people don't mesh well together. So be it!

brooke lyn said...

preach it!!! and really, how about the people that just don't like us, not read our blog? wouldn't that be so hard for them? !

Kate @ Another Clean Slate said...

So true! That book "He's Just Not That Into You" made some good points. One of them being, sometimes it just isn't right!

Anonymous said...

Oh goodness, I still can't understand why it's so difficult for people to click away if they don't like a specific blog. There are enough blogs out there to read, they don't really have to read the ones they don't like.
I haven't received any bad comments but if I did I would probably just delete it, ignore the person and move on.

Samantha @ Life is But a Stream of Thoughts said...

PREACH! And not only are there people that just aren't going to like you, but there are also going to be people who don't have manners. It's the combination of the two that you have to look out for...

Kelly Louise said...

high five!! people (especially on the internet) need to learn to not be so defensive.

Kathy @ Vodka and Soda said...

eh, all those who leave negative comments can suck a fat one. i don't see why they would even waste their time responding to a blog they don't like.

so yeah, they can all suck it.

Vodka and Soda

Kirstie Semler said...

I haven't had the good fortune of getting negative comments yet but I'm still a newbee. But I completely agree with this!! I think the whole your just jealous thing is a lie we tell ourselves through elementary school because we are too young to understand! Thanks for putting this out there! And I agree if they don't like it it probably would just be easier for them to click out and find another blog they do like!

Dani said...

High five! I can't stand some of the things I have seen people say about other bloggers and jealousy.

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute- nobody you know personally reads your blog and you STILL got those hate messages?!?!?! WTFFFFF??? LOL WEIRDO TROLLS! Secondly, I truly could not agree with you more! You really hit the nail on the head here. You said something most people don't say, but it is the truth and I'm glad you said it!


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