Tuesday, June 4, 2013

How To Fight With Your Partner: A Helpful Guide

Since Garrett and I have lived apart for the majority of our relationship, we are naturally relationship experts. Here is a handy guide I have compiled on how to effectively (and maturely) argue with your partner.

Step One: Decide that it's time to pick a fight. Hint: A good time for this is when you're doing something totally benign like watching a movie on the couch together.

Step Two: Choose a totally arbitrary topic. For the sake of this post, let's choose a TOTALLY HYPOTHETICAL topic, like whether or not The Guardian movie with Kevin Costner was based on the book of the same name by Nicholas Sparks.

Step Three: When your partner tells you that he happens to like the movie The Guardian, rant about how much you hate it because (spoiler alert) Kevin Costner dies at the end. Throw in how you hate every Nicholas Sparks book because hellooooo, everyone dies in those books, too. (Who peed in your cornflakes, Nick? Seriously.)

Step Four: When your partner calmly tells you that the movie was in fact NOT based on the movie, argue passionately about how it DEFINITELY WAS.

Step Five: Keep arguing this point, even though you don't actually know if the movie is based on the book, you had just always assumed. And also you saw it on the Internet once.

Step Six: No seriously, keep this going for a long time. Even after your partner starts ignoring you because gosh darn it, YOU KNOW THINGS ABOUT THINGS, OKAY? and your partner should KNOW THAT.

Step Seven: When you see that your partner really is just ignoring you, dramatically stomp to the bathroom and slam the door.

Step Eight: Open door again, check to make sure partner saw you slam the door.

Step Nine (a): If he did, YOU WIN!
Step Nine (b): If he didn't, repeat step eight. (This step may be repeated as many times as necessary.)

Step Ten: Continue about your awesome day because ZOMG, You're such a good arguer!!!!

You got all that? Good.

Now go forth and argue! You can thank me later.

(In case you were wondering, the movie was not, in fact, based on the book.)


Stevie C said...

You kill me. Did this actually happen? hahahaha

Candice @ Just Stay Lovely said...

dying, you have some wise words my friend.

Lauren said...

Young grasshopper, let me teach you a little something about married life: IMDB is the ruler of all arguments (or wikipedia. Or Siri. Depends on the topic). Somewhere after step 4, whip out your trusty smartphone and try to PROVE HIM WRONG (or at least try to find the website that misinformed you?). Trust me, your door frames will thank you!

Adriana said...

HAHAHA you just made my life because this sounds like most days at our apartment.

Leslie said...

hahaha this is great. My boyfriend and I don't fight but when we do it's about things just. like. this. A few weeks ago we seriously fought over if there was an exit 1 on I-485 around Charlotte. There obviously is and I was right but it lasted a solid 30 minutes for no reason.

Another Clean Slate said...

Were you spying on me last night?

brooke lyn said...

be sure to never actually let him google the correct answer, so you will always be right and your point will always be made that way.


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