Celebrities: They're just like normal people, except $$$$$. Also, more Twitter followers.

So I was watching the Oscars on Sunday night (and loving every minute of it, in case you don't follow me on Twitter) when I realized that I could see myself being friends with 99% of the people that I was watching on TV. Maybe it's because I just love loving people, but everyone seemed like they were just having so much fun, you know? I want to be part of that! I want to get dressed up and throw on a million dollars worth of Lorraine Schwartz jewelry and eat pizza. That is literally my dream life.

And I mean, it could happen, right? Besides appearing in multimillion dollar films and living in really fancy houses, celebrities really aren't that different from us. Really.

Reason #1: They take selfies. If you didn't crack up when you saw Ellen get that whole A-List crew together for a selfie, you're a lying liar who lies. I've told you already I love a good selfie, but this just takes the cake. And it wasn't the only one - there were a ton of selfies on Sunday night. And they were all awesome.

Reason #2: They send group texts. You know you send group texts. Welllll guess what? Aziz Ansari does too? And while ours are about mundane stuff like where we're going to dinner, other people's are about the improv they're doing on their wildly successful sitcom.

http://azizisbored.tumblr.com/post/47159326421

Reason #3: They curse when they're surprised. Did anyone see Lupita Nyong'o drop an S bomb after she won on Sunday night? Hilarious. And everyone saw it. Everyone.

Reason #4: Okay, they just curse. 

Reason #5: They trip. And fall. We've all been there. You're super dressed up, going to a fancy party, and you trip. But it isn't just a teeny little fall, it's an epic fall in front of a whole room full of people, and EVERYONE saw you. In our case, it's just a room full of (hopefully) friends. But when you're Jennifer Lawrence, it's in a room full of 3000 people, plus the ten million or so watching at home. Either way, we've all felt that embarrassment.

Reason #6: PIZZAAAAAA. I have never felt more connected to a group of people I've never met, and I probably never will again. Sometimes, you just need pizza.

So really, there isn't that much of a difference between me and Ellen. Besides her impeccable comedic timing. And our bank accounts might differ slightly. And I've never broken Twitter. But seriously, we're basically identical.

The Good, the Bad, and the Frenemies: Celebrity Edition.

So last week, I was watching Watch What Happens Live! the other night when Bethenny was on. Mid-episode, I looked at Garrett and said "I just love her!" 

Garrett responded with "you love EVERYBODY." While that isn't true, I do have a lot of "favorite" celebrities. And some least favorite celebrities. And some celebrities who I USED to hate, but now I'm mostly over it. 

Mostly, what you should get from this blog post is that I stay WAY too invested in the lives of famous people. 

I love love love ALL of these people. 
I love Conan because I think he just has this positivity that is aboslutely infectious. He got absolutely screwed by Jay Leno during the whole Tonight Show debacle, and on his last night hosting he said "All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." Could you just DIE? He is the best. 
I love Guilana because she seems so real. Maybe I'm romanticizing her too much, but between her beast cancer and her fertility issues, she's remained so kind and wonderful and open about her struggles. Bonus: her husband is fabulous as well.
I love Hugh Jackman because he is far and away known as the nicest celebrity in the whole entire world. Plus, he's always polite and hilarious on red carpets, and since red carpets are my FAVORITE, 
I love Anna Kendrick because girl is HILARIOUS. Do you follow her twitter? You should. This tweet and this tweet sealed the deal for me.
I love Matt Damon because he's so friendly and funny and I love hearing him talk about his daughters. Also his #1 bromance with Ben Affleck. 
I love Jennifer Lawrence because who in the world DOESN'T, am I right? She's so charming and down-to-earth and her family is just the best. 
Note: this list is much, much longer than six people. To save you time, I condensed it down to six people. 

I'll tell you: I used to absolutely despise all of these girls. And then The Internet started hating them too, and it took all the fun out of it. 
I used to want to make a t-shirt that says "I hated Anne Hathaway before it was cool to hate Anne Hathaway." because seriously? I've been anti-Anne for years now. But then when EVERYONE started hating on her in the last year or so, and now it's just boring.
I've never really liked Rihanna because she always seemed kinda snotty, and I think she sounds HORRIBLE live, but all the hate she gets regarding her relationship with Chris Brown makes me sad. 
My relationship with our girl Lindsay has been a roller coaster. I loved her, and then I hated her, but now I just feel sorry for her. It's obvious she's going through some stuff, so I hope she keeps getting the help she needs, and she can return to the funny, gorgeous Linds we had in the Parent Trap and Mean Girls.
And then, there's Miley. Oh, Miley. I've hated her ever since she was on the red carpet at the Oscars five-ish years ago and she said "well, Hannah Montana will be nominated next year, I'm sure!" I mean, seriously? Know your place, girlfriend. This is the Oscars. Not the Teen Choice awards. But with all the hate she gets now, I don't like hating her any more. Mostly because the people that hate her now are TOTALLY missing the entire point. But that's a separate post for a separate day. 

Ugh. Where to even start with this bunch? I loathe them all. Loatheeeeee.
I don't like Matthew Fox because he acts like a huge douchecanoe all the time. He's not nice on red carpets or in interviews, and there's that pesky DUI. And the domestic violence accusations. Soooooo.
I don't like Nicki Minaj mostly because I think she tries too hard. Unique is fine, totally insane is something different. And she rubbed me the wrong way when she said "people don't know who I am, it's really hard and lonely." on her E! special. Um, hello? People don't know who you are because you hide yourself under wigs and lipstick and ridiculous outfits. If you want people to *know* you, stop making yourself hard to know. You know?
I don't like Justin Bieber because the fame has just turned this kind into something ridiculous. I know, it happens, but he's clearly not equipped to deal with the money or the fame. Also, Beliebers are awful and terrifying and crazy.
I don't like Lea Michelle because there are too many rumors of her saying things along the lines of "DONT YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" and I don't like that. Be humble or GTFO. She's also allegedly horrible to wait staff.
I don't like Matt Lauer because of this and this, mostly. He's cocky and pompous and just seems like a jerk and I hate him.
I don't like Connie Britton because (I know this will upset some of you FNL friends) I have a few friends who live in LA and work "in the biz" who have said she's just AWFUL to be around. She's rude to fans, refuses interviews and is overall awful to everyone who she deems is 'below' her. Since she's B-list at best, I think that is just so unacceptable. (It's not okay on any level, but you know what I mean.)

So there you have it. My own personal list of the best and the worst. And see? Way too invested. It's weird. I should get over it.

(I'm not going to get over it.)

ITS FALL TV TIME

So, I had a different post planned for today, but I wasn't really feeling the subject matter this morning, so we're going to table that post until later in the week.

I was actually in a pretty blah mood this morning. Not bad I guess, just... blah. But then I realized - FALL TV STARTS TODAY.

Mood lifted. Immediately.

And while I'm still not used to the fact that we officially live in a post-Office society, I'm pretty excited about what's coming up.

Of course, there are the forever favorites:

Thrilled about Parenthood coming back. It seems like it's ALWAYS on the chopping block, so I'm stoked it got renewed - and at a full season this year, instead of that shortened season crap it got last year.

And of course, HIMYM. I'm doing a totally separate post about that, though.

There are the new favorites:

I had watched both of these intermittently, but binge-watched them all this summer and am TOOOOTALLY obsessed, like most of you.

There are the guilty pleasure competition shows:

feel free to definitely judge me for any and all of these. YOLO or whatever.

There are the new shows I'm going to watch and try not to get too attached to because they'll probably be cancelled because television executives are sadists who enjoy watching me cry:

And of course, there's the show that should be back and definitely isn't and I'm still really freakin' bitter about it:

What are you most excited for this season? I'm less than thrilled with the selection of new shows, but hopefully some of them will turn out to be great!

Are we still talking about Miley? Cause I wanna talk about Miley.

So, in case you've been living under a rock that's buried below a tree that's growing in a different universe, you've heard about Miley Cyrus's performance at the VMAs on Sunday night. And before I go any further here, please know that I've never really been a Miley fan. She's always grated my nerves something fierce. But the criticisms I've seen of her in the last 72 hours have gone way past "yeah, she's kind of annoying" territory.

If you haven't, go watch it. I'll wait. You won't be gone long, because it's horrible and the most cringe-worthy thing ever.
Are you back now? Okay, so:

Our girl Miley has obviously gotten a lot of criticism for her performance. Let's talk about why.

First of all, there's the pesky 'cultural appropriation' issue. Twerking is her thing now, right? Ignoring the fact that, uh, she's not even really good at it, twerking is something that has been appropriated from black culture forever. Not cool, Miley. Not cool.
That's all I'm going to say about that, because there are people who are much smarter than me that spell out exactly why everything Miley is doing right now is extremely problematic, and you can (and should) read those articles here, here and here.

But for real. If I met Miley right now, there's only one question I think I would ask her: why, girlfriend? why?

I believe a woman has every right to dress the way she wants, dance the way she wants, and talk the way she wants. I didn't think her performance the other night was "slutty" like a lot of people did (God, I hate that word.) but I did think it was just... weird. Why did she think that thrusting with a foam finger and sticking her tongue out all over the place is sexy, or cool, or whatever it is that she's going for?

What was she trying to accomplish with this performance? Did she only want people to start talking about her again? Because that's definitely happening. People are most assuredly talking about her today. But it's definitely not kind. And I'm not sure she's going to be able to bounce back from it.

Everyone's so angry that she was grinding up on Robin Thicke, but I haven't seen hardly any outrage directed at him. And he's married. It takes two to tango, so if you're going to be mad that she was dancing up on some man, you need to get mad at the man, too. It's not like he was pushing her away. She doesn't deserve all your anger just because she's a woman.

AND AND AND: 'Blurred Lines' is literally about blurring the lines of consent. It's a super creepy, rapey song. But you're mad about her dancing too provocatively? Get outta here. If you're going to take issue with her performance, get mad at that. Get mad at the fact that, as a woman singing and dancing to that song, she perpetuated the idea that women ARE objects. She has every right to express herself the way she wants to, but not at the expense of others.

Finally, I want to know who told her that THIS

was a good idea. Because that person should be fired.

At the end of the day, I really do feel sorry for her. And am a little confused by her. Honestly, I'm not sure what to make of her. From where I'm standing (okay fine, I'm sitting) right now, I see a confused, insecure, slightly delusional, probably scared 20 year old girl. Can you imagine having everyone watching your every move when YOU were 20? I can't - having my awkward phase immortalized forever would be... awful. She's like that girl that gets too drunk at parties. She shows up, drinks way too much of everyone else's booze, and stumbles around, spilling beer, dancing on whoever is standing still and laughing way too loud. She's annoying, but you mostly just feel sorry for her because she's clearly trying WAY too hard to be liked and it has to just be exhausting. I mean, yikes.

So maybe what she needs to is take one giant step backwards, out of the spotlight (especially if the rumors about her doing drugs are true). Examine what her priorities are and what she wants to accomplish with her music. If she decides that she likes what she's doing, like, she REALLY believes she's on the right path, fine. She's a grown woman, past the age of consent, and totally capable of making her own choices. But hopefully she realizes that what she's doing - whatever the heck it is - is most decidedly not working for her, and she'll take some time (a lot of time) to reevaluate.



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